Matthews Ah Um
Dear Bill, on the pavement to your service, in the gingko
oak muddle of the night's storm,
a tiny tulip shone, one piece
of metal confetti, as if coming up
in November through cement. And in a gutter, wound
with dark leaves like hair, a pink
toothbrush. Are you packed? Do you have your hanky,
have you got your keys? A trio of people came toward me,
laughing, taking up the whole sidewalk,
I wanted for them to be removed rapidly
so I could walk without swerving, but then
I thought, as if you broke out in me in a
riff, Joy takes precedence
over sorrow, Kiddo, so I veered around them, in
close to the Orthodox Church, her porch
mossed with tiny, pink, paper
hearts. Any of us who has failed in love
might feel ashamed to be alive and well
when Bright Star and you are parted,
not that I'm offering to take your place,
Not this pig-life-line we would toss
between us, who were raised as if intended
to give up to others, and did not want to
and didn't. But then you learned the bright-star
language, the earliest human tongue,
pure love's licks, like and unlike
a mother's cleaning of her own inner
foods and debris from the newborn's mouth
and eyes. By the curb, shards of gold
reflector, standing in its crackelure
two old couples and two young cops,
and near the funeral home, a tall
handsome man, making music with coins
in a cup. From my pocket, a dollar of our sorry
republic, his eyes a lot like yours
and mine, Bill, afraid and proud
and humorous. I think you would have
liked the service, your gifts and virtues
praised, your flaws praised as virtues,
as if we have all drunk bright star
and can sing for an hour. At the end, when the horn
went up and cried out, we couldn't tell
his wails from ours, in those phrases the brilliant
brass, massed tears, fresh flowers, swam
and murled. Until that moment, I had thought
a person was his flesh-when Galway had
said, They took the body to Bellevue,
I had thought, No, they took Bill
to Bellevue. But now I saw I had been wrong,
the skin of your coffin silken, the grain
musical, the hidden burl
structural power. Dear Bill, up
above the bole, as if from the tree
you sing, now, in perpetuity.
You came naked from your mother's womb
shrieking and wincing, you leave the earth
rich with song, gleaming with new love's knowing.
-Sharon Olds
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